BREAKING: President Trump Resolves The NFL Anthem Debate Once And For All

The NFL National Anthem debate is officially over. President Trump has issued Executive Order EO120669Y3, requiring all able-bodied Americans to “stand, facing the flag, with hand on heart” while the anthem plays. The penalty for defying the President’s order can include harsh penalties, depending on who you know.

The liberal fake news media is refusing to cover this order at all, brushing it off as “unenforceable nonsense Trump should use to wipe his bum.” The fact-checking site Snopes weighed in, saying that “nothing about any of this is funny,” which is how they can tell real fake news from fake news satire, considered to be fake news under that guise. Or so some would say.

White House Director of Information and Propaganda, Art Tubolls, agreed that Snopes should be scrubbed from the internet. On the issue of the Executive Order, he said:

“EO903566829U26 WILL be enforced. The first player to take a knee during the National Anthem will be arrested, on the spot, by US Marshals and charged with Conduct Unbecoming of an American Citizen.

The President added the new charge and a penalty of 15-years in prison to go with it.”

Tubolls said CNN and MSNBC had approached him with questions about laws being written by a President and the constitutionality of a charge and penalty designed specifically to incarcerate black people. He called those allegations “race-baiting lunacy” and refused to answer any more questions. Good for you, Art! President Trump should have hired him years ago.

The law is in effect as of noon today.

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