NEWS

BREAKING: Michelle Obama’s Weekend Bender Ends In A Mexican Jail

Michelle Obama is involved in the media and law enforcement coverup of the year right now, as we speak. According to a source at the El Guapo local jail and taqueria just outside of San Recto, Michelle Obama was booked late last night on charges that she murdered a female prostitute at a brothel in Tijuana.

As of now, there is no record that it ever happened, but pictures taken at the scene clearly show Michelle Obama being ushered into a white SUV with “UN” license plates. It looks like the Deep State is in full play here:

The SUV that took Mooch from the jail. Absolute proof that it happened.
A convoy of vehicles carrying Mooch from the Mexican jail dropped her at the Arab embassy and left.

As of now, Michelle Obama is holed up at the Arab Embassy, where she can remain hidden among friends of her husband until the fixers do their job. If the story dies with them, Michelle Obama will have never visited Mexico to get her rocks off by killing a hooker.

The Obamas have issued a statement that Michelle is “at home, a little under the weather, but definitely not involved in some ridiculous scheme that sounds like the kind of thing you’d read on The Onion. Or that other site. Last Line of something. Snopes hates it.”

Obama is trying to claim that because the real news is now the fake news and the fake news is what we need to find the truth, that he can hide his wife behind what’s real and what’s not. We consulted an attorney on the legalities of the case. Art Tubolls, a spokesman for DeWeigh Scrougham and Howe, says they may be in over their heads:

“This is all going to depend on evidence. Was Michelle in Tijuana as herself or as Michael? When she dresses as Mike, you’d never know it was her. That might be a tough one. As for DNA, the President and his family are automatically scrubbed from the dastabase under a little known element of the Privilege Clause that guarantees full anonymity after retirement for security purposes.”

So the question, once you get through all that legal mumbo-jumbo, is whether she was Michelle or Mike. There is only one known picture of her as Mike, and it is unconfirmed:

Michelle Obama as “Mike.” Our makeup artists say this look must take her hours to achieve.

Tubolls says if there is any evidence and the UN has already tried to cover it up, the Deep State may be more exposed than ever before. We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.

Most Popular

To Top